Wednesday, June 30, 2004

The Last Real Thing...
I really am a fricking relic...

I contemplated for a good long 10 minutes or so rather to include my feelings about evolution in this next topic I'm gonna talk about. But I'm gonna break them down into two basic issues. I think the ongoing obsession with body modifications, super heroes, growth hormone supplements, and bio-mechanics is the result of our removal of ourselves from the competition of the cycle of life. In this instant gratification day and age, everyone keeps hoping to wake up to be the next sleek and sexy super-powered X-man. Ignoring the fact that that isn't likely to happen, the other reason would be the widespread identity crises, complete insecurity, and ever sickening psyche of our world.

That last line is part of my topic, but that's the last I'm going to bother involving evolution in my discussion...though I'd really like to in a lot of ways....moving on.

I'm seriously afraid that if I don't marry soon, I'm never gonna find a girl who hasn't gone through a dozen cosmetic procedures, who's simultaneously on every diet plan and supplement, and who isn't riddled with tatoos and piercings.

As usual...Lemme explain. Starting in reverse order from above.

Tatoos and Piercings: Truth is, I don't necessarily have anything against them, but that comes with certain reservations. I'll confess that they aren't the first thing I find attractive, but it isn't as though I'm going to necessarily be filled with absolute revulsion either. It works like this...

Let's start with tats, shall we? My first question is: What's your reasoning for it or does it have any meaning? The answers to this usually falls into one of three categories, but there are four total.

The Fourth (and outside of my average dealings) group represents those who are just plain bad@$$ or of a hyper Lee Marvin kind of cool. They are usually of an older generation, need no reason for having them, and are extremely rare.

The First (and the one I can generally support): Not only does it usually have a reason or a meaning, the person can discuss it thoughtfully, and they tend to sport it almost or completely nonchalant. It'll never be a topic, and issue or a shield, unless you ask or provoke them.

The Second (the most common and tends to aggravate me): My or may not have a reason or meaning (often lame), possibly able to discuss but often full of pseudo intellectual/philosophical/religious bullsh!t, and tends to wear it as a total badge (level of in-your-face with it varies). Often these cases stem out of a fierce insecurity and lack of identity often due to unpopularity or plain plainess. These are the people who are convinced that you have to be convinced of how different, unique or weird, or bad@$$ they are by getting tatoos and piercings just like everyone else.

The Third (pehaps the most brainless and sickening): These are the people who got one because they were bored down at Venice Beach on vacation. They were drunk on spring break. They bought like it was a fashion accessory. It probably doesn't mean a thing, and they couldn't tell you anything about it except the story of getting it ("It hurt SOOO bad!"). Worst of all, these are the people that would pick a design off the f*cking wall in the parlor. Furthermore, they are clueless, in the case of tatoos, of the permanence of their choice. ("You know son, once I put He-Man on their, he ain't coming off.")

Continuing that rant tangent: Now it's all the tatoos on the lower back, but my favorite was the rings around the girls navels or the ones just below their navel and just above their pubes. My first question was always: "Do you plan on having kids someday?" I asked that knowing full well that they had never once considered the likelihood of the unholy stretching and disfigurement that tat would go through during pregnancy nor what it would look like afterward.

The problem between Groups Two & Three is that they tend to have no conception of the future and what it's going to be like still having something grafted to their skin. On the other hand Group One knows exactly what it is and what it's meant to be and Group Four couldn't care less. Groups Three is usually the ones who claim "they'll just have it removed," not knowing what a painful process that can be, and that it's not always perfect (red ink can't be removed for instance). It ain't perfume, hair dye, or stickers. It doesn't just come off.

In some ways, you could argue that this is a non-issue as I don't tend to find it attractive in the first place. But remember I've never ruled it out either...and unfortunately, too may times, you have to waste time talking to people to find out they're the kind of people you wouldn't want to waste time talking to. Luckily, I can do pretty well guessing from across a room...but still. Anyhow, I keep finding myself spotting more and more frivolous tats.

The peircing thing's kinda died down, but there for a while it was very hand in hand with tats. I never objected to it quite as much, but still like it when there was some thought behind it. Or when someone made their own jewelry. My only fear came from the creepy clickety-clacking this woman's genitals made on one of those HBO Real Sex things. Seriously. C-R-E-E-P-Y. Unfounded or not, I'd constantly be afraid of her shredding me or me causing her to shred herself. I can't even go into the weird penis stuff...but hey, do what you want.

Diets, Diet Stuff, and The Gym: Hey, let's start by saying that I'm all for being healthy and active. I do think that America needs to get off it's collective lazy lard-laden @$$ and start moving around some more. I like getting out, and healthier foods have come a long way in terms of variety and flavor (and the cost has come down some too). But....(and you knew one of these was coming right?)

I'm not dating, nor will I marry the f*cking gym. That's just a time and priorities issue. I'm not saying I won't workout or workout together with my other , it's just now how I intend to spend all my free time or all my free time with that other.

My objection to the various herbs, vitamins, minerals, and diet supplements stems more from the common and total ignorance of people with what they'll pay for and put in their mouth. I've read several great articles about the claims vs. the realities of many of these things. Most of this stuff is the modern equivalent that yo-yo's used to sell off of stagecoaches in the old west. (Like on eBay where I keep seeing ads for chemicals that'll "Help you lose 88lbs." with that specific number on it. Does everyone need to lose exactly that amount? Doesn't that just scream 'bullsh!t!' in giant six foot tall letters?) Anyhow, you better know what your talking about. I won't support a habit of cramming whatever "healthy" crap that comes along down anyone's throat.

Finally, there's the diets. Got nothing against them as long as they are realistic, and not completely restrictive of anything. I think that's unhealthy and unrealistic. Besides is shouldn't be about teaching rules that totally wipe anything out, it should be about teaching you self-control. Let's face it: "I won't eat carbs. I won't eat meat. I won't eat dairy. Etc." You might be a cheap date, but you sure as hell aren't any fun. I wanna girl who's willing to split some fricking ice cream or whatever...and not a kind with no fat or sugar that tastes like f*cking cardboard.

I don't wanna go into body type, because that's a whole other ball of wax. There's a million kinds and a million variations, and there's a lot of them that I like together. Again for me, it's not about extremes. Extremely thin, extremely muscular, and extremely fat can all be severely least to me. Don't lose heart though, there's a million websites and a million fellas that love each of those.

Cosmetic Surgery: Primarily what started this whole rant was an article on the quadrupling of the amount of teenage girls getting breast implants. That's so so so disgusting.

It's funny this is the main topic that got me thinking about this, and yet I'm too tired and basically annoyed by it to follow through.

It comes down to this: I think we were strung way off course when plastic/reconstructive surgery became cosmetic surgery.

If you go through a windshield face first and you've got no face, then you deserve everything modern medicine can do for you. If you've got severe deformities or scarring, then sure it's a good thing that you can be helped. There's other cases where it's warranted but you get the idea.

Throughout history teenagers have had warped sensibilities about their own bodies and the changes they're going through, but giving in to giving them some instant gratification change isn't the answer. Jesus, we just keep trading one deep seated insecurity for another. It's weak. It's decadent.

Also, this is another one where those going in for it don't realize that it's real surgery, and the effects are permanent. Not to mention that its superficial. Cosmetic surgery doesn't cover up the fact that you might be an awful, stupid person with a terrible personality to match. It might get you some happiness in the short-run, but it doesn't guarantee you'll never be sad again.

Again, it's all bullshit carnality.

I want to marry the person. Not a f*cking Barbie Doll.

Everyone thinks they should be the pretty people. Everyone thinks they should get to marry the pretty people. Didn't you ever look at your grandparents? I'm sure many of them were pretty people once upon a time, but what do they look like now. They worked it out because they worked it out and they loved each other, not because they expected to be a pair of married supermodels the rest of their lives.

Of course, in the end, it's not dangerous enough and it makes too much money for people to really call bullsh!t on it.

This goes for the fellas too...I mean for f*ck's sake: Pec Implants?


I'm not the prettiest fella in the world, but I wouldn't in a million years go under the knife to change it.

Parents don't help. They don't know how to parent, how to build their kid up. Kids get more and more stupid and superficial. They actually care what everyone else thinks. I don't care what they say. If their friends jumped off a bridge, you'd have millions and millions of dead children everywhere.

Ok. I'm depressed.

Anyhow, I'm thinking there are less and less girls out there who don't fall into any of this nonsense that scares and depresses me.

You're all sick.


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