Thursday, June 03, 2004

If It Ain't One Thing It's Another...
How true, how true

I'll tell you up front that I don't like to go on and on kevitching about bad things. I'm usually a very "it's over, let's move on" kind of guy. Ok, not on everything, but on most things. And I don't like going days at a time with nothing to say because I feel like @$$.

Well, today, I quite literally fell like @$$. For the past couple of days it had been mental. Last night it turned physical, and today, it stayed that way.

I suppose it goes back to my occasional conspiracy theory which isn't that any one person is out together, but rather it's the forces of the universe all conspiring in one massive move to eff you.

On one hand you could blame my mood. I know plenty of people who would claim that my negativity is what has caused my illness. Hmmmmm... plausible. However, I've discovered often enough that even in a good mood I may get ill which may not put me in a bad mood necessarily, but it certainly puts a damper on things. In which case, I believe that it supports my 'universe against me' theory, as often enough it's the first thing in a string of moves to kill my spirit and break my will.

Course, I keep on keeping on, but boy it sucks in the meantime. And it's the little things that illness adds. Now if I just had a regular old cold, I may not be that bad. Hells no, this is sinus trouble. So my head's a brick. I got sh!t draining down the back of throat. And all at once, inside my head, it feels nasty, thick and wet, while at the same time dry, and almost bloody.

If it was just me, and I was unemployed, then no sweat.

But I gotta talk to people and I got answer the phone, and each time I do it, all that crap on medical diagrams from my throat up through to my nose feels like hell.

I'm not so sure that a sunny disposition would just make it all go away.

Not that I think about it, I don't believe in that anyway.

You gotta be happy, and you gotta be sad every once in a while. Each one should make you appreciate the other. I think a lot of people are already way off course thinking that the ultimate goal in being a solid person is being happy all the time. Lemme just say: no, it's not.

This cold sh!t still blows though.

The other part is that I hate being slowed down by sickness. I got stuff to do. Stuff I have to do, and stuff I'd rather be doing.

Next is, you always want it to be a sickness you can sleep through. You sleep, you wake up. If you still feel bad and you can manage, you just go back to sleep. If you feel good or at least better, you go on with your day until you don't feel that way in which case you pass back out again. But anytime anything effs with your sleep...then you never really feel better.

Anyhow, that's where I am. And where I am...The world...It's so against me.


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