Pétite Parlance of the Time
Good Lord, I wrote an post comparing myself to a Charlton Heston movie...

I'm certain that if you've read my little ditties for any amount of time, then a rant should come as little or no surprise right. Does the pope where a funny hat? I'm afraid that he does ladies and gentleman. So let's get ranting shall we?

I took a handful of psychology classes on my own initiative in college. I took a few communications classes that were related to psychology in college. I also, have had an active enough interest in the subject to read up on it periodically. Similarily, I've dabbled in sociology. I'm not ready for a private therapy practice, but I guess I get by.

The reason I bring it up is simply that having a few basics down in psychology and sociology (history, linguistics, and anthropology are pretty good too for this) helps give you an understanding of why people do some of the stupid stuff they do it, and sometimes why they can't necessarily help it. Stereotypes are a good for instance. They get started because it's the brain's way of classifying categories of information. The example that was always used was how difficult life would be if you had to learn what a door was each and everytime you encountered one. Unfortunately, not every category is good and/or not every entry put into it is positive. This, of course, leads to everything from ethnic jokes to the Ku Klux Klan. Usually, the only way to break it down is to expose people to a wider variety of entries into said category to spread out the positives and the negatives.

That's pretty basic. It ignores other prejudices that people have despite their exposure. Nonetheless it goes a long way to explain where moronic stuff like racism gets started.

The reason I gave that example is because it also comes pretty close to what I was going to start ranting about today. Part of the reason I want to rant about it is because I've yet to see a satisfactory explanation of it. What the hell is the deal with Small Talk? That's what I really want to know.

Actually I need to amend that: What the hell is the deal with Small Talk with people you've known forever and a day or who you talk to on a regular basis?

Granted I don't like the stuff much to begin with, but at least with a total stranger, I get it.

Honestly, have you ever had someone ask you about the weather...and you just wanted to smack them for asking? Ok, if you live in a weather challenged environment, then perhaps it's relevant. It might actually be interesting if the weather is really extreme or unusual. Otherwise, who really cares? I mean that. For instance, I live in Southern California. Anyone want to take a guess to what my weather is like? If you guessed sunny and about seventy-something degrees, then you'd be right on. What about tomorrow? (Pause) Did you say the same thing? Bingo.

Do you see where I'm not real interested in weather related questions?

On the other hand, I've seen it snow twice in Houston, Texas. That's weather worth commenting on only because it's extremely uncommon. Other than that Houston is hot and muggy almost all the time.

Now, "How are you?" is a relevant question when dealing with someone who's being you are concerned with. I mean that very sincerely. It's a simple and direct way of inquiring into another's well-being. Unfortunately, because our health and being are similar to Southern California weather, it doesn't always get anywhere or reveal any news. In fact, what's the most common response? (Pause) Your'e so good. That's right, "Fine." Now in most cases that's probably true. The funny thing is that as a listener, we've become so accustomed to "Fine" that we hear it and immediately move on. If we hear anything else, the first response is often: "What? I can't be bothered with this right now." If were not listening though, we don't learn anything, hence making even asking the question ridiculous.

I've pretty well limited asking that question to when I really want to know (like when I know something may be amiss)....or again, with new people. Other than that, I don't need to have my concerns calmed by a "fine" that may or may not be completely disingenuous. Then again, if I get something other than a "fine" and I'm gonna listen, it'd better not be some panty-anty bullsh!t either. I know. I'm harsh.

Now the final topic that I just don't get is perhaps just purely my own hangup. So here's a little backstory...

When I was a kid, many of our friends of the family were couples my dad knew through work. Part of what brought our families together is that we all moved around a good amount and so we could all relate to being transplants. Anyhow, when there was a gathering of some sort, the time before dinner was usually fun banter about any number of topics. Come dinners end, though, it usually turned to misery for me as the talk turned to nothing but business. It was complaining about some guy in some annoying department down the hall and so on and so forth, or they'd all be laughing about some business deal or something that was completely incomprehensible to anyone not in the business.

What I wanted to know was if they spent all week at the office, day-in-day-out, why would they want to spend all their free time talking about it? I got to know most of these guys and I knew that they each had interests other than work. Many of those interests overlapped. Yet, there we were, often for several hours listening to business stuff. I imagine it helped add to why my sister and I got to be such good friends. After all that moving and that business talk, we had to have someone else to turn to, right?

Ultimately, I think that's bred in me a total dislike for talking about my job. Now, that doesn't work out so well because I work in the entertainment industry. Ok, in SoCal, I'm safe because everyone knows someone who does this crap, but once I'm out of the state or on the phone with relatives....Egads! No more! It doesn't matter how monotonous or unglamorous what I do is simply because to them I'm in Hollywood. Anyhow, I don't feel the need to share what I do with anyone because I can't imagine them finding it any more interesting than I do.

Now take my best friend. He works in hosptial administration. When we talk, we sometimes talk about aspects of our jobs that we like/hate or wacky folks we work with, but never just about the job. I have no idea exactly what he does except in the broadest strokes, and vice versa. We've never felt any need to plumb it any further, because neither of us really cares what the other does. We talk about the stuff that made us friends or had kept us friends.

Guess it can't always be like that, but...

Well, I've felt that if someone is really fascinated by their field or wants to share it with me, then they should take the time to do just that. After all, if I'm brought up to speed just enough, I may: a) actually find it more interesting than I previously thought or b) at least feel like I understand it well enough to ask more meaningful questions. Otherwise, I don't feel terribly compelled to talk about my work and I'm not going to inquire about anyone else's on some superficial level that I'm probably already familiar with. And yes, the exception is the inevitable "And what do you do?" if I'm meeting some schmoe for the first time.

The most hilarious thing is that I often get looked at as though I'm some kind of hideous social leper for not wanting to waste my time with tidbits of conversational fluff. I won't say meaningless because I suppose I don't think it's totally without meaning. I'll give the fluffsters that much.

I guess this all happened when everything became a "career" instead of a "job." I can't imagine a bunch of blacksmiths standing around talking smithin' back in the day. I mean you might trade some tips or whatever, but not talk about it for hours and hours and hours. You'd probably talk about huntin', drinkin', sports, or w'men. You know, the stuff that didn't involve fire and molten metals.

Anyhow, that's just what I think.

At the same time, if asked about my job, I'm not a totall @$$clown about it. I'll answer your question albeit concisely for the most parts. But I gotta wonder why you wanna know, and if you don't really wanna know then why are you asking. And if you do really wanna know, for God's sake why? Stuff like that.

Of course the fact that I don't follow most of what people think passes for news these day (I still wanna know what makes Laci Petersen so much more special than any of the other murdered or abused pregnant women that day.) or sports. That rules out a couple of other common small talk topics for me. Again, I can do it, and so as to not be completely rude I will do it when the need calls. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

In many ways, to me, small talk is like television, you can get so much more done (or discussed) without it.

My thoughts on this could go for days. I'm clipping them here.

Cheers.