Safely past Quarter...I'm onto the Third/Life Crises...
What the he!! am I doing and what should I be doing?

Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

I come before you today, to ask your advice in helping me to make the decision that fate just ain't givin' me enough evidence to make all on my cuddly lonesome...

Truth is...my love for the movies and the process of movie-making these days hasn't quite turned out to be what I had thought it would be. Also, if there was that fun niche I was supposed to trip and fall into...well, it's maybe the first and only time I ain't been clumsy enough. And though I still would love to be a part of the process, I don't know that it's what I want to be doing anymore at this stage of the game.

The ironic part is that one of the primary reasons I chose this industry was a) the love I had for the movin' pictures as a youth and b) the fact that it is an industry, a proper business of sorts (ie. somethin' you should be able to make money at). Couple that with the facts that I humored myself as being smarter than the average bear, and I didn't come out here expecting there to be a director's chair waitin' for me. I figured I was golden. After all, I never wanted to choose the starving artist route...and yet, what I've come to enjoy more than anything is writing straight prose fiction (not screenplays...although, they're alright...) and painting. I mean...with the exception of heavy math...I've been fortunate enough to be fairly competent at doing anything I've decided to take a shot at...but those two things, the writin' and paintin' are generally what I love doing most.

Granted, I certainly don't have to be in Los Angeles to do those things, though the chances for exposure are far greater (more optimal in many ways would be New York, haha, but there's no way I'm heading the wrong direction down Snowy Penniless Lane...). In some ways, I'm hedging my bets...if I could keep something consistent brewing with the writing (I'm looking for publishing connections!?!), the art (I'll be in my first show in a few months...and am lookin' into how to get into more), and watching for opportunities that still open up in the movie business to jump in when I can. (I've still been writin' shorts for folks and doing some script doctorin' as it's come along...)

I'm fairly certain that doesn't sound like a recipe for success based in any reality that anyone else occupies...since every one of those things are based so strongly on chance...so I've been sort of riding on faith. The tough thing in keeping on or giving up has always been that things have been so even handed...I always seem to get just enough of something to interest me or move me along...or pay the bills for a bit...but then something else gets set in my way. A zero sum game so to speak...for every move forward or laterally is a move back...for every positive, a negative.

So yes, I've been trying to consider my options on what else I could do and where I could go...or even what more I might need to learn. And while I'm not against the idea of relocating...well, two things keep bothering me...For one: I moved a whole bunch when I was younger, and I'm not ready necessarily to start building from scratch...and it'd be easier if I knew (unlike when I came out here) to know that there's something to go to when I get there. For two: well, you can call it ego, but it's that feeling of defeat, of letting the town beat me somehow. going back to somewhere I've already lived...makes it feel like I gave up. Haha, I'm not sure if that sounds idiotic or not...but that's definitely what it is...coupled with the sneaking suspicion that success might be around the corner, and leaving now would cause me to miss it...

On the con side against me, as a person...while I've been talking to more folks here recently about expanding my options above...well, I know in my heart that I ain't done nearly enough to push myself out there to try and achieve more than I have. So, trust me, if anyone knows that a hefty chunk can be blamed squarely on me...I knows it to be true...

And that's why I'm here in the first place....what do you, my personal public, think? Am I spinning my wheels? Is it time for a change? A move? Do I just need to do more, stick it out a little longer...and stick my neck out a little farther while I'm at it? Do you know anyone who might could help a brother out in the aforementioned literary, arts, or entertainment world? Do I need to just get a job?

The search of the soul continues...

Cheers.

Who Are You Going To Be When You Get Here?
Thank you for your work, Beat Takeshi...

One of my primary film enjoyments in life come from a stocky dynamo of creative force, Kitano Takeshi. Whether it's something he directed himself, or something he just starred in, I tend to enjoy this man whose mind and spirit always seem to be somewhere else, but who still maintains a screen presence like few others.

I first came across him when his directorial debut A Violent Cop had set the cinephile world abuzz. Come to think of it, I think it was in England's film mag Empire...since even many things "movie" in America still have an allergy to most things subtitled. In any event, I tracked down a copy...and well, hey, I didn't really like it much at the time. I couldn't, however, deny that he was definitely on to something.

Time has passed, and I've consumed many of the things Kitano that I've been able to lay hands on (and I admit that those who guffaw at copyright laws have been most helpful where American distributors have failed me). I can still picture one of his most tender moments where after playing a brutal thug for the better part of two hours he still tugs at the heart strings by repeating "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence" to Tom Conti at the end of Oshima's film of the same name. But it's Sonatine and Fireworks that still remain at the top of my Kitano list...in fact, atop the heap of some of my favorite movies ever.

So last night, I sat down to watch his last (well, the latest one I could get ahold of)...

Takeshis' (2005 , d. Kitano Takeshi)

The Story: Once successful Japanese media icon Kitano Takeshi meets his doppelgänger, we follow the twin Takeshi through a dreamy journey of what it to NOT be successful Japanese media icon Kitano Takeshi...sort of.

The Review: Ok, let's just start this by saying that if you don't know anything about Kitano's life or work, you might still enjoy the film but you're going to be missing out on a whole lot of subtext. And let's counter that by saying that even if you do know a fair bit about him, you still might not enjoy the film and there's likely even more subtext that's zinging over your head. I enjoyed the hell out of it personally, but then again I tend to really enjoy what others consider "failure" if the makers are at least really trying to do something with it. (And I wouldn't call this a failure...)

Granted, it's two years after the fact and I'm only just getting to watch the movie, but I remember the critics being none to kind to this one. Looking back (having now watched the movie), it seems in many ways to be a case of a critical darling falling out of favor by not delivering what's expected of him. I admit, even for myself, that I missed Kitano's usual mixture of elegiac thoughtful beauty smashed together with brutal quick violence in this one. However, (and I sometimes have to chastise myself for forgetting,) there's a joy in seeing an artist grow, branch out, and try new things.

As the story progressed and the life of the sad sack struggling Takeshi became more and more outlandish, I kept thinking that it was like watching Kitano do Fellini in an exploration of filmic identity along the lines of David Lynch's recent films. That's not to say it was wholly derivative of those filmmakers, because this one's very much a personal project. Then I went back and did a little reading on the film, and found that it's being described as the first of Kitano's "self-deconstructive" films (The plot of the next one sounds even more Fellini...). In the end though, the problem therein lies.

Like any text, whether it be movie, book, or artwork. To some degree it has to stand on it's own. Not everyone going in has had access or exposure to the elements the filmmaker brought to the piece. Furthermore, even those who do like to wax intellectual about creative work don't always want to invest the time to learn more about any one piece.

So does this movie stand on it's own? To be honest, I'm not sure. I couldn't watch it as a neophyte, and I enjoyed a lot of it knowing what I already did about it's creator. That ultimately taints my ability to judge. From that stance I can say that large portions of it did work, it certainly was entertaining, it certainly had wit and depth...but, I'm not sure where it was ultimately trying to get to...

I could sit here and philosophize about the exploration of alternate realities and how, like life, they wouldn't necessarily have clean clear cut conclusions either...but it's not my place to justify the work. Not only that, but it'd be pretty arrogant of me to think that I could. It was a challenging piece of artwork that engaged me for it's run time, and I'd watch it again. So from my point of view, pretty successful. At the same time, I can see where a goodly proportion of my friends and family would not be so generous with it. (From a few I can hear the "Huh?"'s and "That sucked!"'s from here...)

So I say...if you enjoy dream-like experimental films that explore the nature of film, character, film violence, and image while having a healthy dose of a wacky sense of humor...I can't see where you can walk out of Takeshis' having gotten something for the ticket price.

Cheers.

No New or Smarmy Post of Questionable Merit or Validity Today

For those of you still with me...I've done up and moved my web address. The former address (no longer shall we say its name) has been wiped from the face of the interenet (although google'll probably still have it for the next millenia even though it's not there...)...

Anyhow...I can now be found at...

http://www.ryanjebelt.com

The page layout and what have you is new...the content....uh...is about the same...but you can see my Three New Portraits in the art section! Yeah!

New content coming soon...as soon as some other things, uh...get finished.

Thanks!

I'm Still Listening to Ann Coates
Nothing like vaguely obscure music trivia to hit the ground running...

Ah Saturday night...

On Saturday night, I found myself...somewhat against my will...at the Palladium in Hollywood, in order that I might take in one Steven Patrick Morrissey...known most commonly by his last name.

Why do I say 'somewhat against my will'? Well, it's mostly in jest at the strongarm job done by the far more radical fans amongst my social circle to get me to go. It's not that I don't like the man or his music (ok, sometimes, I feel he's a little too 'Morrissey' on some of the songs)...I just didn't develop the same sort of fervor for it in my angst-ridden heyday.

I tried to explain, that as I was growing up...if you were into that sort of music, you were either a fan of The Cure or The Smiths/Morrissey. I must say that the Smith I chose was Robert Smith, and was very much The Cure fan. I never went so far as to put the make-up on, nor did I veer very much farther into Goth territory...but I liked the music...sometimes, too much.

Nevertheless, I was aware of The Smiths and Morrissey's music. In fact, some friends I did on occasion break into a sort of oddball barbershop quartet of The Smiths' 'Handsome Devil'. If you are familiar with the tune, you might be having a little chuckle at the thought. If you are not, I suggest looking it up and then imagining it. Either way, I'm sure if we did that in any school now, we'd be suspended for a few days and forced into some sort of gender sensitivity training. (Like I said, look it up.)

Over the past few years, those with whom I share a fair amount of music have increased my Morrissey quotient to far greater numbers than I had in previous years...and I confess, though I'm passed those moody angst-ridden days of yor (you can believe it or not! ha!), I like the stuff. I think it's too late for me to become a fanatic, or to run out and snatch up all the recordings...but the appreciation, it's grown considerably.

So, Saturday...

My first big kudo to the man comes in the form of the pre-show show. Once the opening act left the stage, the backdrop behind them became a screen for a string of video clips from a New York Dolls performance (and yes, I know I have Moz to thank for getting to see them perform a few years ago) to old French advertising to a James Dean screen test. Now, as much as I like watching roadies test and check all the mics and instruments, this was a better way to spend the half hour in wait. Furthermore, I have to say, even with the basic knowledge I have of Morrissey...it was a primer of sorts, and completely warmed the crowd up.

He opened with "How Soon is Now" which is still a powerful and commanding way to open a set. In fact, I was surprised at how much heavier and rocking the show was. Now some of this might be due to its being closing night of series he did that week in Los Angeles, but even so it was a much more driven set than I would've expected. Throughout the set, he held a strong sway over the tempo and the crowd, the band was ultra-tight, and the feeling of concert-lull was kept at a minimum. And I must confess, there is an element of excitement, even for someone who's not a great fan, to get to see someone as iconic as Morrissey especially when he's got great reign on his musical prowess.

And I should say...he definitely knows how to play to his crowd. Nor have I ever seen a group of people so feverishly enthralled to see a performer. They were enraptured. Haha...fortunately the sound was good (at least where I was) that the crowd's enthusiastic recitation of the lyrics didn't drown out their idol...but seriously, as long as the musician's were out there, Morrissey could've gone off stage, had a beer, eaten a sandwich, and they would've continued singing the song without him. Throughout the set, they waved gifts and letters to him...and he had a fun running commentary as he reached as many as he could that was both gracious and healthily tongue-in-cheek. Surprisingly, despite the orgiastic fervor near the front every time he reached out to grasp hands, only one skinny Asian guy got on stage to grope him for a moment before being pulled away.

On a side note, watching the fans, I couldn't help thinking of the Cure show I had gone to years before. It was a stadium show, and packed to capacity. As we walked around to our section, a funny thought occured. For all any of us knew, Robert Smith could've been wandering the crowds having a hot dog and a beer, and no one would've known in the sea of look-a-likes.

At this show...well, you can't take Morrissey's look quite as far...but there was one poor fellow with blond hair who tried to imitate the haircut...which ultimately made him far more Vanilla Ice than Moz.

Anyhow, I had a very enjoyable time, and was sure to thank my host for holding me at gunpoint to go. Also, I think the time was right. I'm not sure why, but the older, heavier, mature Morrissey is far more to my liking than the long-limbed willowy character I remember seeing from my youth. There's something in the charisma of his age and stature that grounds him more in my reality...whatever that means....

Finally...he did play my favorite of his repertoire "Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself"...although to a minor letdown he didn't pack the wallop behind it like he had other former slower numbers like "Shoplifters of the World"...but said criticism only fluttered through my mind before I told myself to just shut up and enjoy it...

Cheers.

WINNING FRIENDS AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE...
...is apparently something I don't do too well.

But I'll tell you what...I often feel like a man without a country.

I have two loving parents who are still together in a country with two out of three marriages end in divorce batting average. They were middle-middle class when I dropped out of the chute and were upper middle class by the time I struck out on my own...the middle class, which to my eyes is rapidly disappearing. I exceled at and had a decent interest in academics, arts, and athletics at school, which is a seldom seen phenomena. I moved around a lot growing up which gave me both a desire to see and experience new places and people, but also fostered the occasional feeling of impermanence...and from that I found that often times the people from the place I moved to had little love for the place I just moved from (ie. the people in Michigan frequently accused my Texan brethren of being rednecks...and the people from Florida hated all the snotty "snowbirds" who came down from Michigan..and so on).

I haven't had and don't watch television with any regularity...I see it as a tool for a great capacity to educate and inform, but seldom seems to get used that way. I don't go see most of the blockbuster popular movies...well, because they look like garbage from the get-go in a lot of cases (I don't mind brainless fun...but soulless brainless fun is even worse). I don't listen to most popular music...usually for similar reasons...but modern day pop and hiphop couldn't conceivably get more played out than a lot of what's on the radio. I hate advertising...even most of the "cute/good" ones. And while I'm an adherent to the internet...which again is conceivably a great tool..it falls prey to all of the above and then some (ie. so much information, art, and literature to be tapped into from all over the world...but most people just prefer to watch videos of people doing stupid stunts or watching their pets do silly things).

I don't really care for Los Angeles...although it is a bizarre sociological experiment on a grand scale in really bad cheap architecture. I wouldn't go back to Michigan as I feel there's nothing there for me. I could never really get in to Florida. And, I'm not feeling very Texas right now...but more because I'm not sure how much more I can grow there. A lot of the places in between that I've been to have been nice, but I've never gotten a strong enough vibe off any of them to actually move. I don't have nearly enough money to go to Europe, Asia, or Australia...and ain't entirely sure what I'd be going there for (...except maybe to get into adventures à la Highway to Heaven).

It's not just the city exactly either...while I love the principles that America was founded on...I don't always like where I see it going (see TV, internet, etc. above). I don't understand the weird dislike we have for learning other languages and cultures even though we pride ourselves on being a melting pot. I don't particularly find the policies or rhetoric of either side of our political machine interesting or involving...or even effective on anything. I don't like our obsession with celebrity that's coupled with our insane desire to tear them down. This list just goes on and on. Most of all, I don't like that we seem to have lost our vision for a future and progress...and have instead opted for complacency (oh...and voyeurism).

(It goes along with this lax casualness with respect and manners and this deluge of incorrectly aimed compassion that the world's flooded with...but that's a whole other issue...another time)

This isn't just merely negativity either (I'm willing to bet that Chris Crocker's "Leave Britney Alone" got more hits than any one page on Wikipedia). I sort of wish it were. I try to be friendly and polite with people as I see them on the streets, run into them in stores, sit next to them on airplanes...what-have-you... I certainly don't harangue them with a diatribe about all of the above and then some. I try to give them a smile, nod, and wish them well. Unfortunately, it ends up mostly being my friends and you dear reader, who gets the brunt of the diatribe of disonance that is my experience as I experience it.

I probably owe you an apology and a beer for all that.

As it is, some people are running for the hills...and I'm here to say...if you're feeling that notion, go ahead and run...

It's how I see things. It's my interpretation. Perchance some good fortune in my future might change it...but I certainly don't think I'm delusional...and it's certainly not just me...it's stuff I see in the news...on the internet...from discussions with friends. And call me Capt. Elitist, but I generally don't have the capacity to just accept it all for what it is and think it's all going to be ok (...I'm sure more than enough people thought that about Nazi-ism amongst other mass bad ideas...extreme example on one hand...but I think what's going on now is even more dangerous...).

Besides...I already had someone tell me I was going to die unmourned and unloved...haha...hell...I'm ready to deal with that if I have to...

Cheers.