Making Your Life Easier
Lulled to sleep by modern convenience...

Explain this to me: How is it that I love the gadgets and technology in just about any James Bond film, but going into the Sharper Image makes me want to vomit?

Speaking of spying and spying gadgets for a moment.

Does it really make you trust someone more if you run an internet background check on everyone you meet?

The sad thing is that in this day and age, in certain circumstances, it's not the worst idea in the world. It's sad that there are enough bad people and enough shady dealings that we feel it's necessary. I, for one though, wouldn't be comfortable knowing that I had run a background check on someone who in fact a good and trustworthy person. Shouldn't I have been able to figure that out in the first place? Shouldn't I be a decent judge of character? And what's more shouldn't I naturally expect most people to be good?

Fortunately, I don't get easily duped, nor have I had much instance to be in such a situation. But, I'd like to say that I don't think what I said above is idealistic. I think it should be realistic. I'm not naive. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to trust a stranger without having to have them followed and photographed.

Back to Technology.

These computer things are supposed to make our lives easier right, and they do to some extent. Part of that ease was the speed and efficiency it was supposed to lend to important personal and business tasks. That would free us up for more social and leisure pursuits. That was the idea, right? One of the other bonus perks was that paper waste would go down exponentially as more and more information could be stored digitally.

Hmmmmmmm.....

You know what I consider to be one of the largest wastes of both time and money?

Computer and Computer Program Manuals. Those huge phonebook-sized twenty pound tomes that line the shelves of the computer section of any book store. Those hippopatanical volumes that are obsolete before they hit shelf, and barely of any value to hawk at a used bookstore that'll actuall take them. Even assuming you could ever actually read and implement any of the information contained in them, that operating system or program is twenty upgrades and twenty new back-breaking books down the line.

If the EPA is really bored for something to start harping about, it should be fining publishers for asking us to waste our time and our money while they waste natural resources printing this largely useless crap.

As for leisure time....well, I know all too many people who spend all their time, business or pleasure chained to one of these f*cking things. I also know too many people who waste too much of either of things trying to fix or figure out what's wrong with their computers. Or even at my workplace, it seems as though our network is constantly being downed by some poor innocent who doesn't know how to protect their machines, and who are now flooding the system with viruses, spyware, and adware from whatever spam and pop-ups they're being overloaded with.

Speaking of those last two: Why didn't anyone believe me when I said that Advertising was in fact the real life equivalent of the evil Empire?

I honestly don't know how those people face themselves in the mirror in the morning.

I don't know about you, but the money would never be enough to make me forget that I contributed nothing useful to the universe. NOTHING. YOU HEAR ME ADVERTISERS AND ALL YOUR LITTLE MINIONS: YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING.

Did I ever mention my thing on teeth whitening as tied into this crap? I'll reiterate because of the latest development. I was overjoyed when I saw all those headlines saying that teeth whitening may cause oral cancer. I loved it for two reasons. One is stupid human vanity especially on something that looks so disgustingly unnatural in the first place. I mean, if you got horrible unnatural stains or coloration on your teeth, then I can see where you're coming from . The rest is garbage. Anyhow. The other reason was the advertising for this crap. Unlike any other dental product: Never once did it mention any health or dental benefit in putting this sh!t in your mouth. All you were told is that you were a social f*cking leper if you didn't have teeth as white as the driven snow. The closest I ever got was some toothpaste with baking soda in it, that now claimed it had tooth whitening power. Who cares? It was the toothpaste I liked anyway.

It reminds me of my favorite advertisements ever. In one of the locations of Cafe 50's here in LA, One has a wall of ads depicting celebrities endorsing cigarettes of every kind. The best is the ones where they discuss the health benefits of smoking or smoking one particular brand. It's hilarious, and it literally makes me think of teeth whitening, tanning, and all those killer weight-loss medications. I love it.

So yeah, downed computers.

And social life. That's a d@mned joke.

While I will admit that e-mail is probably singularly responsible for my ability to keep and keep in touch with friend in many cities in different timezones. It's especially handy for the overseas variety of conversation. However, if I have the choice, I'd rather talk on the phone or see people in person. Otherwise, it never feels like real quality time with them.

Now, that's all some people do. If they don't have a screen in front of them, then they ain't socializing. Ok, on one end you can argue that it is helping socially inept people to socialize. True. But you can also argue that it's like the allowances people make for others to do things to avoid phobias. As long as you let them get away with it, they won't change and often they only get worse.

Back to the trust thing....well, I've already heard enough stories from friends, friends of friends, and from the news to see where you almost can't trust sh!t that anyone says on-line anymore. It's not just shopping stuff either. People lying on dating sites about....well...everything, from a fake stats to a picture of someone else. I always love when someone who I know has lied on some profile on some socializing site proceeds to bitch and moan when they meet someone they met on-line only to find out that they lied as well. How the f*ck can you get mad about that? You were lying, what made you think they had to tell the truth?

So yes, computers have made life so much better. And those are three common and light examples. I didn't even get into real cyber-crime, identity theft, and cyber terrorism. There's all kinds of other crap, I didn't touch on. And to think that some people can no longer figure out how to live without them.

Moving on.

Have you noticed how no one can remember a phone number or an address anymore? Of course they can't speak, spell, or write proper English or any other language anymore either, but that goes back to the computer above. Seriously. You start rattling off your number and people are programming it into a cell phone or palm pilot or a combination of the two. That's the only place they store it too. That's it. Inevitably, the f*cking thing bites the dust in any of a hundred ways: dropped too many times, stolen by some other @$$hole, mysteriously no longer works for no particular reason, etc. That's my favorite part. Watching people freak out because all their contact information was on their, and they don't know any of their friends numbers anymore to call them up.

And I love that they allow calculators in the SAT and whatnot these days. So now it's not testing whether you can do math, but whether your graphing calculator can solve complex equatons or the quality of your math typing skills...or both, I'm not sure.

Another good one is cars these days.

Back in the day, nearly everything on a car was mechanical or relatively simple electrical components. If something wore out, it was merely a matter of diagnosing the problem and replacing the part. (This is of course in addition to the fact that cars were made out of metal and were better manufactured which is why you still see old cars driving around today unlike models from only 15-20 years ago.) Now, there are so many different computer controlled systems and techno-gizmo-gadget gauges in your car that even the mechanic can't always figure out much less fix the problem (and you sure as hell never will).

Much the same are many of these parental controls and whatnot in TV's and DVD players. Is it just me, or does it not tod any good to have the only person in the house who can program your entertainment system, the 10 year old, is also the one your trying to block from watching T&A on the the Playboy Channel in the middle of the night. Let's face it, the same person who can't fix their car, work on their computer, or use a cell phone ain't gonna be able to program a television either.

And with the constant barrage of new product as well as the constant threat of obsolescence and total lack of cross-platforms, you're never going to catch up either.

Ain't technology grand.

Cheers.